The question here is Optional.  In all of my hundreds of cases as a supervised visitation monitors in Los Angeles only 2 of them have been optional.  Yes, they have voluntarily been monitored. 

As a supervised visitation monitors in Los Angeles for so many years I realize it is important to not give up on your children no matter what obstacles the court or the other party throw at you.  It is difficult and hard to take sometimes.  It may not seem fair but you don’t want to look back and say you didn’t try everything you could.  Just rise above it and hang in there, it will end.  I have seen visits end, I have seen families repaired but it takes work. 

You will never change the other party, but you will have your time.  Just remember it isn’t always easy for a Supervised Visitation monitor to be there on your personal time also, but they can be a voice for you and your children.   

I have a story about a couple that really is not the norm.  They came into us as a domestic violence referral.  They were in their late 20’s with a young daughter about 1 year old.  It took us only 2 tries to get the daughter comfortable to be transferred.  Twice a week the father showed up and had great visits learning to care for a young child.  The mother listened to our directions and did not interfere with his time and gave them space as per the restraining order.  It was not easy; she would keep us talking many times during the week. 

The Father really liked his DV classes and bonded with some of the people there.  He talked fondly and even doubled up on his meetings.  He explained to us that his own Father was a gang member and that this was just the life he had known.  He told me that I was the coolest white person he had known.  I laughed; I just don’t think that way.  He was unmonitored in record timing. Never before had I seen anyone get thru supervised visittion quicker in domestic violence, it was 3 months.  He also told me that he had hugged his Father one day and told him he loved him for the first time.  It was so emotional for the family that his mother wept. 

He realized from the whole ordeal that violence was not the way to settle things.  I am happy to say that this couple got back together and had another child.  They invited us to the baby shower.   Now that is a success story!  But it really came from him being willing to change a cultural cycle and her being able to forgive and move ahead.